Birth Story: My Raw and Honest Labor and Delivery

My Birth Story Begins: The Mental Marathon

The final countdown is ON! Our intimate baby shower was perfect (thank you again to everyone who celebrated with us).

My nesting instincts? On full blast. Let’s just say the house has been “deep cleaned” a million times over! The nursery is finally ready. Doula on speed dial? Check. Parents on standby? Check. Now, it was all down to me – the mental game.

They say birth is 80% mental, 20% physical, and honestly, that terrified me. For the last three months, I’ve been focused on getting my mind right. I dove into mental toughness exercises: ice holds (peaking at a whopping 10 minutes!), squeezing a comb, and constant prayer for strength.

As a Black woman, the stereotype of our pain being dismissed during childbirth has always weighed heavily on me. So, I worked hard to dismantle the fear and build positive thoughts around this experience.

Thankfully, my partner has been my rock, gently (but firmly) shutting down any negative spirals. It was time to face this head-on, one positive thought at a time.

Wait, this is Labor?! The Sneaky Early Signs That Shocked Me

Okay, let’s get one thing straight: I was CLUELESS about “active labor” pains. In my head, the pain was only supposed to come when it was time to push. Boy, was I wrong. Those early labor contractions started creeping in around 7.5-8 months, and I had no idea what they were.

It wasn’t until my check-up right before my last month that BAM! I was 3.5 centimeters dilated. My jaw dropped. Suddenly, all those little cramps made sense. I vividly remember one contraction that literally buckled me in the shower. All I could do was laugh and whisper, “WTF was that?!” “Lord Jesus!” Honestly, a little dark humor was the only way I could process the shock of it all.

Once I realized I was that far along, I tried every old wives’ tale and suggestion to get the baby moving. From endless birthing ball exercises, walks, drinking different teas, eating fruits, to even a membrane sweep (which, spoiler alert, DID NOT WORK and just brought more cramps and spotting), I was beyond ready to meet my little man! Check out my hospital bag essentials if you’re preparing for the big day yourself!

The Climax of My Birth Story

They say, ‘How you make ’em is how you get ’em out.’ Looking back on my birth story, I don’t know if that really worked or if my baby boy was just waiting for me to finally relax. Either way, he arrived right on his due date, and what followed was the intense lead-up to this incredible birth story. I was literally sound asleep when I woke up, and ALL HELL broke loose! My man woke up to me hovering over the bed. I was trying to stay calm, as you’ll read in my full birth story, but he could tell it was time. My contractions were steady, and the pain was something I can’t even fully describe.

My man called my parents and my doula, who would play a big role in my birth story, and they were all on their way to the hospital. I stayed home dealing with those intense contractions for another hour and a half, a significant chapter in my natural birth story, before my man gently suggested we head to the hospital. He was so calm, which really helped me stay (somewhat) calm and focused on my breathing, something I focused on throughout my birth story. Man, do they ask a lot of questions at the hospital! I know they have a job to do, but damn! Anyway, by the time I got to the check-in room, I suddenly felt something go “splat” on the floor, and then I saw the blood. I looked up with a scared face, like, ‘Why am I bleeding? Is everything okay?’ They quickly explained what it was and checked me. I was already 7.5 centimeters dilated.

Birth Story Update: 7.5 Centimeters and Things Get Intense

Up until that point, I felt like I was somewhat mentally keeping up with what was going on. But hearing that number – 7.5 centimeters – was a total game-changer. When I finally got to the delivery room, it was like my body screamed, ‘BUCKLE UP BUTTERCUP, I’M ABOUT TO LAY IT ON YOU!’ And holy f***, did it ever. The pain my body felt was unreal.

I was determined to have a natural birth (WHICH I DID, damn it!) with minimal intervention. At one point, I begged for the epidural because I honestly couldn’t take it anymore. But my wonderful doula, Chelsea (HEY, CHELSEA!), talked me through it, reassuring me that I could do this. I did have some laughing gas to take the edge off, which helped me stay a little calmer

But what they don’t tell you about labor (or maybe it was just my labor) was the lower back pain – talk about feeling like 500 elephants were stomping on my spine – and the booty hole pain. MY GOD!! That booty hole pain felt like the baby was trying to stage a full-on escape through my a**, and they were telling me not to push! Because my water still hadn’t broken yet. PLEASE GOD HELP ME, lol.

No More Holding Back: It’s Go Time

PLEASE GOD HELP ME, lol. If I thought the booty hole pain was intense, it was nothing compared to what came next. At this point, I was already 8.5-9 centimeters, but my water still hadn’t broken (YEAH, I KNOW, it was taking its sweet time!). So, the doctor asked if I wanted it to break naturally or if she could break it for me.

I talked to my midwife and said, “Let’s do it.” The doctor broke my water (which didn’t hurt, btw, just felt like a warm gush), and not even a minute later, it was officially go time.

With it came a whole new level of pressure – like my body was finally determined to expel this tiny human, NOW. I gave birth to my baby boy in just 4 pushes, all while lying comfortably on my side. I was absolutely determined to give birth in whatever position felt right for ME; the doctors would just have to adapt – I’m the one doing all the work here, shoot, lol.

After 1.5 months of early labor and 4.5-ish hours of active/transition labor, it was over. My son was finally here. My world. And just like that, the real journey had begun—a journey that still held its own set of challenges ahead, including the emotional complexities of postpartum detachment and bonding. Read about my postpartum bonding experience here.

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