From Hospital to Home: My Postpartum Experience Part I

This extended version of my postpartum experience picks up right after my real natural birth story. If you haven’t read my birth story, please click here.

Stuck in the Hospital: Jaundice and the Blue Light

After birth, my son and I had to stay in the hospital for four long days. His jaundice meant they wouldn’t let him leave until his bilirubin levels stabilized. So, lots of blood draws for my little guy, and he practically lived under that blue light, all snuggled up. I could only take him off to feed and change him. You can find more information about infant jaundice on websites like the Mayo Clinic or the American Academy of Pediatrics.

Honestly, those four days were tiring. The staff was great and friendly, but by the third day, I told my man I was so over seeing people and really didn’t want anyone at the house for a while after we got back. We didn’t have a ton of visitors – just our parents and my best friend. They were wonderful, making sure we had what we needed, giving my man breaks to check on our place or grab a home-cooked meal. But I was drained. On top of that, I was still feeling that weird detachment from my son (you can read about that here). I just desperately needed time to regroup and find my footing). I just desperately needed time to regroup and find my footing.

My maternity leave started the day I gave birth. Twelve weeks to get my life together before returning to work. It was FMLA, so I used all my vacation and sick days, which I’d saved for 2.5 months. That part was okay. The other month was unpaid.

From Hospital Bed to Our Bed: The Journey Begins

Going home was everything I’d been longing for. Finally, our little family unit was under our own roof. We had a pediatric appointment scheduled for that same week to keep tracking his bilirubin levels. While being home was a huge relief in many ways, the physical reality of my recovery hit me like a ton of bricks.

I remember walking through the door, just dropping all our bags on the floor, and taking this massive breath because now we were truly immersed in the postpartum experience, and this whole new, intense rollercoaster was brewing deep inside me.

Beyond the Baby Bump: Navigating My Postpartum Body

Let me tell you, that second-degree tear during birth made those early days rough. You see all this stuff on social media, and people think, ‘Oh, leave the hospital, and your body just snaps right back!’ Sorry, but that’s just not the reality for most of us. After giving birth, your stomach can still look a few months pregnant for weeks, even months. And guess what? That’s perfectly okay! Be damn proud of what your body just accomplished – bringing a healthy baby into the world.

Anyway, simple things like sitting down or even shifting positions were constant reminders of what my body had been through. I’m used to being on the go, doing what I want, when I want. But this birth slammed on the brakes. For the first couple of weeks, I had to move slowly and really rely on someone for help

Asking for Help (Even When It Sucks): A Postpartum Must

My man was a rockstar. He helped me in every way imaginable. Whether it was in the shower, literally standing there until I was safely out, helping with lotion (bending or even a simple squat was a no-go), or getting me dressed if we dared to leave the house. Honestly, just these small tasks humbled the hell out of me because I hate asking for help. But to heal properly, I needed it. And if I’m being completely honest, I really only wanted my man’s help. Hell, we made this baby together, so yeah, you’re damn right you’re going to help me, lol.

Seriously though, if you have any support system, lean on them. Please get the help you need so you don’t do any more damage than what your body has already been through. Navigating this postpartum experience is tough enough without added physical strain. And wait the damn six weeks. But that’s another story lol.

The First Whispers of the Baby Blues: My Initial Postpartum Emotions

On top of all these physical challenges and the constant cycle of feeding, changing, and worrying about my little guy – the worry was an absolute nightmare. From SIDS fears to constantly questioning if he was eating enough, swaddled right, breathing okay, etc. The newness of our home started to feel empty and heavy. The exhaustion was bone-deep. Even when I could steal a few precious moments to rest, I still felt this strange emptiness inside. This marked the beginning of the emotional side of my postpartum experience.

It wasn’t the overwhelming, constant joy I expected. Instead, there were these unexpected moments of tearfulness, gnawing worry, flashes of anger and sadness, moments of inexplicable annoyance – just a whole mix of emotions I couldn’t really explain. It was like the physical toll of birth and recovery was seeping into my emotions, creating fertile ground for the ‘baby blues’ to take root. And honestly, I had no real idea what “baby blues” even were.

Did you experience anything similar in your early days? Share your thoughts in the comments below and be sure to check back for Part II where I’ll be continuing my story and talking more about navigating these emotional waters.

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